A Quiet, Peaceful, Saturday Morning

The house is silent. Seriously silent. So new and profound that I am finding myself uncomfortable with the lack of noise. There is normally a T.V. on, dogs barking, a baby crying. But I've got to say . . . . .I LIKE LOVE IT !!!  This brings me back to the "old days". You know, before baby, heck before marriage. The moments when it was just me, my coffee and a Saturday full of possibilities. A day when I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. . . a late breakfast with my sisters, a shopping trip when I plan to buy nothing but look at everything. . . an afternoon mani and pedi.... and an evening out with friends..... If only I truly cherished those days when I had them. . . seriously soaked up every moment.

Fast forward 3 years, I don't have a day of possibilities. I pretty much have my life planned out to the T in 4 hour increments for the foreseeable future. (the ammount of time between little man's feedings) I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. I love my little man and am so thankful for him and this "phase" of life. But it sure would be nice if this phase included just an ounce of "mental health time".

This brings me to a realization. In the soon to be 3 months that I have been a mom. I have had not had more then 45 minutes of alone time. And by alone time, I mean running out to Walmart or the grocery store by myself. That was my big 45 minute solo trip. . . Walmart!!!  Even when little man is napping I'm listening for him. When I run to store, I'm hurrying through so that I can make it back before he wakes up so the hubs doesn't have to deal with a fussy baby.  I can never fully check out of my life. My grandfather calls these mental health days. A day when he packs up his bicycle and heads down the shore. A day that is left with nothing but his thoughts, a magazine to read, and what he wants to fill his time. I'm not looking for a whole day . . .maybe just an hour or two. A span of time, when I know that little man is safe, happy, and secure. When I am out and about, by myself, doing anything I want. A pedicure, a stroll around Barns and Noble sipping on my favorite hot beverage....... sitting on a patio reading a book that has nothing to do with pregnancy, childbirth, or motherhood. (all I've read in the past year)

Maybe someday . . . .until then.... little man is awake, needs a bottle and my day begins

Adios Mi Amigos,