Little man has been sleeping through the night since he was 2 months old. He even went on a 14 hour sleeping streak for a good couple of weeks. And yet I lay awake, tossing and turning for the better part of the nocturnal hours. I am sure that this has contributed to my state of "funk". This state that I just can't seem to shake.
Today I was slapped in the face with the issue of forgiveness. I have always been the person that sees the best in people. The girl that wants to believe that there is good in every body. I have always given endless chances for people to redeem themselves. But lately I am just spent. I have seen entirely too many dissapointnements lately and I can not help but wonder how many times are you supposed to forgive someone before they become someone you just don't keep in your life.
I hate how synical and dissapointed I have become. I don't want to raise my child in an environment that is filled with these kind of people. And yet, I know that as a Christian we are required to love and forgive. I guess my question is this . . . when do you purge people from your life ??? what offenses are forgiveable and what are inexcusable??
I am grateful that my heavenly father has forgiven me each and every time I have asked. I thank God that HE has never given up on me. Is this reason enough to offer endless chances for people to be in your life? Or do you realize that your family is what you make sometimes and just realize that some people should not be in your life?Where do you draw the line between surrounding yourself with people that will encourage and uplift you . . .and offering forgiveness and second chances.
Adios Mis Amigos,
I hit this particular conundrum myself years ago. It is a particularly painful one, but here's what I learned.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, we humans can never be as forgiving and patient as God is. While it is a noble goal, it just can't be done.
Secondly, even with God, true repentance is required for forgiveness. Yes, it is possible for one to truly repent of something and then do the offending action again--but not over and over and over.
Repentance does not mean just saying "I'm sorry"--it means to truly regret an action and strive not to repeat it. I don't know the whole situation, but if someone is repeatedly hurting you, then they probably aren't truly repentant.
At that point, forgiveness is still necessary BUT it is no longer about them--it is about you, and the need for you to forgive them so that the pain from dealing with them does not destroy who you are. Also, at this point, forgiveness does not equal a second (or third or fourth or fortieth) chance. You can forgive someone, and still separate them from your life. The two are not mutually exclusive.
God does not ask that we continually allow people in our lives who hurt us and who are destructive--just that we forgive them as we separate ourselves and our lives from them.
Anywho, that's what I learned. :-) I hope that you find peace in whatever you decide to do about this situation.
I couldn't agree more, and this is the conclusion that I have come around to. After talking it over with the hubs I've realized that I never want my son exposed to people that have proven time and time again to be dishonest, rude, or hurtful. I have been given an amazing gift from God in my child, and it's my responsibilty to surround him with people that are going to mold and shape him into a Godly man. I want people that are going to be a good example, and this person is simply not that. Despite the contributions they have made to my life in years past, they are simply not that person anymore. I am struggling with forgiveness because it has never been asked for... that is a whole different ball game for me... the reality is... I will move on and keep this person at arms length. . . I will not allow them back into my life or the life of my child unless I can see that drastic measures have been taken to change their behavior.
ReplyDeleteThis goes for people in general. . . really being careful about who is closely involved in my life or the life of my child.
I agree. I have forgiven people that are no longer in my life. I find that life is difficult enough to navigate without having people adding roadblocks with their poor behavior. I can forgive someone their failing, but that doesn't mean I have to invite them into my living room. I don't believe in forgive & forget. I believe in forgive & move on...sometimes without that person. Perhaps the loss of your friendship is the consequence it takes for that person to truly be repentant and see that their behavior needs to change.
ReplyDelete