I have never been a fan of procreation. Let me rephrase that, I have never been a fan of me, myself, having a baby. Anyone else in the world who has the desire to bring another life into the world that shares their same DNA is A-OK in my book, in fact more power to them. I think that the entire process is an amazing miracle .... for someone else, just not me personally.
It has always been my own personal belief that getting pregnant, carrying a baby around in my belly, and then having to figure out how to get that baby out was just not something I was capable of nor really had any desire to do.I know exactly what can go wrong and how many things have to go right in order to bring a life into the world. I knew that for the entire 9 months I would be freaking out. I would be worrying that something was wrong, that something happened, or that something would happen. Ultimately, I have come to realize it's a control issue. I need to be in control of what is happening, and nothing about pregnancy, childbirth or motherhood is really ever under your control.
Many people might misconstrue this with a lack of desire for children. This is the ironic part. I LOVE KIDS. I have worked as a nanny for almost my entire professional life. I think that children are amazing creations and I have always found working with them to be an awesome way to make a living. I have always wanted a huge family, as many kids as I could responsibly afford.
I have just always told myself that adoption was my answer. It was the perfect solution for me. Someone else "makes and bakes" the babies, get's them out and into the world, then I love them, care for them and help them grow into the amazing people they were created to be. This may sound selfish but honestly, despite my fear of the process, I do genuinely believe that there are tons of awesome, beautiful children in the world that need safe, loving, nurturing homes and I was going to be the person to give them that.I mean, why, if given the choice would I do something that I was so utterly and completely freaked out with.
From the earliest conversations with my future husband we discussed my issues with pregnancy and childbirth and my overwhelming desire to adopt as many children as we could financially afford. He was open to my plan as long as somewhere in that mix I would give him one biological child. I agreed thinking that eventually... down the road... once we actually began the process of starting a family I could negotiate my way out of it. We fell in love and got married September 1, 2007.
We were on a 5 year plan. He needed to finish his Bachelor's degree, I needed to figure out what in the world I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be financially stable, emotionally prepared and living back east close to my family for support. I would be 29, which I believed a great time to be young enough to keep up with kids, but old enough to have gotten myself out of the way of being a mom.
See, we had it all figured out. This is what felt safe, what was comfortable for me. Well, now to the title of our little blog. Its obviously not 2012... I am clearly going to be a mom and this is my journey into the great unknown. Me as an Accidental Baby Maker.