Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Feliz Navidad

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas.

We are coming up on some crazy times in this casa.

If you think of us, say a prayer for my hubs. He is going in for surgery on Thursday and will be home making my life a living hell RECOVERING for a full month!!!!

Since I'll almost definitely be MIA for a while I thought I'd share our Christmas card.

I'm super happy we got it photographed, printed and shipped before Thanksgiving.

This way while I'm loving caring for my husband at his bedside I can address the envelopes and get those suckers in the mail.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Giving thanks with a grateful heart

Today, I blog with tear filled eyes. I am slapped in the face this morning with just how many things I have been blessed with this year. And not just this year, but sometimes I feel that it's almost too much for one person to hold. 

And yet how often do I grumble or complain?  How often am I consumed by frustration or anxiety? I can't help but wonder if perhaps I'm not missing out on some of the joys in life . . . today that will change.

The this day on I will promise to always try to see the glass half full.

I will pause when the day is sunny and sky is clear and soak up the warm rays on my face. 

I will cherish every second I have with those I love, never knowing when our shared time may end. 

I will find the happiness in whatever situation I may be placed in, 
knowing that it is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I will snuggle my son just one minute longer thanking God that is healthy, happy, and beautiful.

I will hug my husband every chance I get, allowing him to never doubt my love for him. 

I will call my sisters, and let them know just how much they mean to me. 

But today, today I dwell on all of the good stuff. The stuff that takes my breath away.

Today I thank God for the amazing gift of my son. Something that I never knew I needed, and yet now, today, would be lost without. He is the truest form of God's love that I have ever felt. The feeling of unconditional love and adoration that I feel from him on a daily basis (okay except during his new found tantrums) is unlike anything I can express. To know that God saw fit to send such an amazing blessing into my life.  He took my life that was in bits and pieces and turned it into something of meaning, of value and worth.

Today I thank God for my husband. No one can make me laugh, smile, or happy the way that he can. Sure no one can annoy me or frustrate me like he can ,but it comes with the territory. He is undergoing surgery next week and I have been up at night worrying. The thought of something happening to him is something I can't even bare to think about. And yet, I can't put it out of my mind.  I can not imagine my life, our son, or my future without him. I feel so blessed and honored to be married to a man that loves God, loves me fiercely, loves our son with a kind of love I have never seen, and loves how much I love my family :o)

Thirdly  I am thanking God for today is my family. yes all of them. I know that every single one of them contributes amazing things to my life. I praise God for being born into a family, that while we are crazy dysfunctional... I would not want to trade places with anyone. I thank God for being married into a beautiful family. A mother in law who loves me like her own daughter, a family full of Aunts, Cousins, Sisters and gorgeous Nieces and Nephews.

And lastly, and the thing that was brought to my attention just this morning is the amazing gift of my sisters.
 Each and every one of them. Growing up we had three bedrooms and one bathroom to share between 6 girls. YIKES. But it created a sense of closeness that I know is the reason why we are the way we are today.

Our mother always said growing up that no matter what, Sisters stick together. Now as time goes on, days pass, and our lives change we are all going through growing pains. Some are changing into the people they are meant to be, others are going through phases and trying to figure out what they are supposed to be. But in the end, when one of us needs something, we are surrounded by 5 amazing woman.

Watching these 5 amazingly beautiful, generous, and loving ladies with my son was something that I will never quite have the words to describe. Happy just doesn't do it justice. He is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. He is my greatest life's miracle, and not being able to share him with them for the first 6 months of his life was heart wrenching. But the month of time that we spent in NJ is something that I will cherish till the day I die.

It makes me sad to be missing all of these firsts with them. His first thanksgiving, Christmas, and Birthday. But I cherish every day in knowing that we will be moving back. My heart is sad for these memories that I am missing. But the ones that he will remember, the ones that will make him feel warm and fuzzy or perhaps hugely annoyed with having 5 Nagging Aunts :o)  will be spent with them.. and for that ... I am grateful.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Friday, November 12, 2010

Freaking Friday...... She's Got Punctuality

Stuff that just ticks me off!!

Freaking Friday, Today I love you. You are the end to a week that has been a huge roller coaster ride. And I hate roller coasters!!! (yes I used the triple exclamation) I get really bad motion sickness. So, riding any kind of ride, especially emotional roller coasters makes me dizzy and nauseous. 
Seriously though, this week has been a rough one.

Yesterday was the cream of the crop, the straw that broke the camels back. Yuck, too many, I know!

I have a thing for being on time. I get really annoyed when people say something will start at a certain time, and then 45 minutes later, we've been standing around being the awkward first ones there. 

Of course now that little man is here, and everything is taking a thousand more hours to do then normal I find myself tardy a lot. It bugs me. Something I'm trying to rectify  ASAP!

Yesterday was a rare exception. It was just me heading out the door.  I left early, with extra time to feed my habit (habit being Diet Coke, fountain soda variety). 

With my soda in hand I walked into the Doctor's office, with exactly two minutes to spare. I filled out my paper work (new patient stuff SUCKS). And was literally all set and ready to go by 1:58pm. 

I smiled inside and probably outside also. (Crazy woman in the waiting room alert!) 

My appointment was at 2. I sat and waited. I found a copy of this month's parenting magazine but article I wanted to read (Top 10 things to feed your child) was torn out of the magazine. WHO DOES THAT!!!! Seriously take the whole darn magazine before you rip out an article. At least then I wouldn't have noticed the pages missing. I would have never missed them. 

So I'm annoyed that my article couldn't be read. I glance up at the clock. 2:15. .. . deep breath, okay, I feel like 15 minutes is an acceptible amount of time to be late. Beyond that it's rude. Seriously rude. Don't they know I'm a crazy busy, emotional roller coaster riding, mama with her plate full of to do things.

Now with no article to read, nothing to distract myself , and my quickly growing irritation I'm left with my thoughts. What if this thing, isn't just a thing. . .but a bad thing. 
What if it's something serious, what if its the scary C word. (cancer)

I have had a pain, in the side of the boobie, since before I got pregnant. I kind of ignored it, mentioned quickly during my first prenatal visit, and of course because I was pregnant, they said it was normal. Now 9 months post partem (over a year since originally noticing it) the pain is still there, getting worse not better, and that worries me. I glance at the clock... 2:30.... 30 minutes unacceptable! I ask the woman at the counter and she apologizes. Apparently the person before me was having a hard time laying still and they had to start over. GREAT!

Now I'm full fledged freaking out and turn to my tweet deck to distract me. I catch up on friends. Then people I haven't seen since high school suddenly become an interest. Then my bestest friend comes to the rescue. After seeing my twitter post, she sends me a text message. She distracts me with talks of fun stuff. 

I realize I'm wearing two different colored flip flops! Bonus points for me, when I actually felt like I was not looking like a frumpy mom today, foiled again. It's now 3:00pm. Annoyed at myself now, for looking like a frump. Kudos points to the BFF for keeping the scary thoughts away for a full half an hour. But now we are talking an hour late. This is INSANE! 

Just as I'm getting up to go complain to the front desk, the cute little lady behind the counter, says, "oh my goodness, I paged them for you half an hour ago" "wow really cause I'm still here, my appointment was an hour ago, and I'm afraid I'll have to reschedule unless I get in right now" 

Mmmm hmmm back to thinking scary thoughts and of course not knowing is so much better the knowing right.... (sarcasm) 

So I go back... FINALLY ...  I realize I am actually terrified of small spaces. MRI= super duper small space, can't breath claustrophobia. They have to pull me out of the machine and let me find a happy place before I can go back in. Suddenly I feel bad for cursing out the person before me for not laying still.

No results yet, still waiting, patiently of course (sarcasm). 

So today, freaking Friday. Thanks for getting here. Finally. Looking forward to a yummy drink tonight and celebrating the hubs and my birthday tonight with his family!!! 

Adios Mis Amigos,

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thankful Thursdays

Gratitude Creates It's Own Attitude
Today my friends I am thankful for the Veterans. Yes It's Veterans Day so it makes sense. But it goes much deeper then that. My grandfather, who is more then just your average Grandfather served in the Navy. He completed his Medical Degree and served bravely for so many years. My uncle, is also in the Navy, currently serving. He has been to Iraq, Afganistan, and most recently Haiti. I have a great Uncle that died while serving during WWII. He was young, fresh into his twenties, and was snuffed out before his life ever really got a chance to be lived. While these three men are just a small fraction of the United States Armed Forces, they are the world to me. My Grandfather and Uncle stepped in as my own father was stepping out. They took over every responsibility that a father should own up to and then so much more. Because they remained our Uncle and Grandfather as well. 

Today I Say Thank You. To all of the men and women who are serving, have served, and who paid the greatest sacrifice in protecting our country. 

I love this song, every time it comes on the radio I get a refreshed feeling of patriotism. And so I leave you with the words :o) 

American girls and American guys, will always stand up and salute.
We'll always recognize, when we see ol' glory flying,
There's a lot of men dead,
So we can sleep in peace at night when we lay down our heads.
My daddy served in the army where he lost his right eye,
But he flew a flag out in our yard 'til the day that he died.
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me.
To grow up and live happy in the land of the free.

Now this nation that I love is fallin' under attack.
A mighty sucker-punch came flying in from somewhere in the back.
Soon as we could see clearly through our big black eye,
Man, we lit up your world like the fourth of July.

Hey, Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list,
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist.
And the eagle will fly and it's gonna be hell,
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell.
And it'll feel like the whole wide world is raining down on you.
Ah, brought to you, courtesy of the red, white and blue.

Instrumental break.

Oh, justice will be served and the battle will rage:
This big dog will fight when you rattle his cage.
An' you'll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A.
'Cos we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way.

Hey, Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list,
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist.
And the eagle will fly and it's gonna be hell,
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell.
And it'll feel like the whole wide world is raining down on you.
Ah, brought to you, courtesy of the red, white and blue.

Oh, oh.
Of the red, white and blue.
Oh, hey, oh.
Of my Red, White and Blue.

[ More Keith Toby Lyrics ]

Adios Mis Amigos,

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Words of Wisdom on a Wednesday

What not to eat 

Dear Son,

Not everything that is on the floor is food. There are many, MANY things that should not go in your mouth. Some examples are, shoes. If you even knew how dirty and disgusting shoes are you would not be trying to suck on them. Zoey's chew toys are another good example. I know you love her, but you do NOT need to swap spit with her! The all so tempting piece of lint. I know it seems like a good idea at the time. But trust me, you'll choke, I'll get scared, I'll have to fish it out of your mouth to keep you from dying and you'll end up crying. Skip it next time okay?


Your Mama

Adios Mis Amigos,

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tackle it Tuesday... You gotta have Faith Part II

Man, today continues the overwelming emotions. I am feeling a bit more at peace with some things. Others are still nagging at my soul. We are coming up to some major decisions and changes in the Baby Maker Casa. Decisions I'm not really ready to share with the world.... but working through. 
(no I'm not preggo!!!) 
It's a tricky thing. That "thing" being faith. When I was in high school I wore a necklace every single day. It was my great-grandmothers. It was a little glass bubble with a mustard seed inside. I was always amazed at the teeny tiny size of such a little seed. That teeny tiny little seed grows into a plant that is Ginormous. 
The verse on the back of the pendant read, " if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.."

It was my sort of "mantra" during that crazy time of my life. I hated school, with a passion. I set the new all time record my senior year of missing 63 days and still somehow managed to get A's and B's and graduate.

I was miserable at home. My parents were both in an ugly phase of their lives, and their marriage, and I hated both of them.

I had a few friends, that I loved to pieces, friends that I took refuge in but at the end of the day I spent alot of time alone. Any time I would get discouraged, would feel like throwing in the towell I would say it over and over again in my head.

As we jump into this new phase of our lives, I'm putting all of my faith in God. Knowing that HE has brought us to this place. HE will carry us through the dark times, the scary times. He will lift us up when the dust settles and we are ready to rejoice. 

Sometimes life is tough, sometimes it stinks, sometimes it's so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes. The thing is, God is there in all of those moments. Trusting God even when I don't trust myself. That is faith, or at least what faith means to me. 

Today I am reminding myself that God is in control. 
God will wrap us up and carry us through this time of unknown.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Monday, November 8, 2010

Makes my Monday

Stuff that Rocks My Socks

I'm finding myself a bag full of emotions today. My heart is aching and breaking. I'm frustrated and dissapointed . I'm sad about losses, excited about new prospects. There are just too many things going on. Things that I can't even process let alone put into words. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be back to reality. Realizing that I'm way over analyzing things, or perhaps not over analyzing but giving some things and some people too much power over my life. Praying that is the case. For fear of venting and saying things I shouldn't, things that will get me into trouble later on.....I'm going to leave it short and sweet.

Today I take refuge in my son. He has been God's gift to me. Exactly what I needed during this time in my life. He brings me to a place of calm. A place where I am able to take a step back and focus on what is really important. I am eternally grateful for being allowed these moments with him. Whenever I am upset, irritated, or sad all I need to do is sweep him up in my arms and the rest simply doesn't matter. And that Makes my Monday.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Thursday, November 4, 2010

 Gratitude creates it's own attitude

Today I am thankful for finding other blogger's like myself that dedicate one day to being thankful . . . I'm linking up with the Thankful Thursdays group .... I'm obviously a little slow ... blaming it on my lack of coffee but couldn't figure out -for the life of me- how to get the link to work correctly ... sorry ... but I've attached the The Tarr Pitt's Thankful Thursday link . It's a great idea, and one that I've been doing for a while, but glad that there are others out there also :o) Besides being thankful for other thankful ladies, today I'm thankful for my husband.

Yes babe!!!! 
I'm thankful for you!!!! 
(he says he reads my blog... this is a test) 

I don't think he gets enough credit around here, no credit actually, I scoured the blog trying to find it... and I couldn't.... sad face .....and before you click the "x" for me being another one of those mushy gushy "my husbands so perfect" women.... hold your horses....

Things have been rough lately, as I'm sure most marriages go through the hills and valleys, ours has been a bit heavy on valleys. We are going through some tough lessons and things have not been all that great (trying to stick to my words of wisdom from yesterday with transparency.) I would honestly say that ever since Little Man's arrival things have been in the not-great-at-all category. For me, it's a whole new ball game when you suddenly have every ounce of energy zapped but a new little one. And on my husband's side, this new little one created a whole new level of stress. Sure providing for a family of two was tricky some times. But if things got tight, we scraped by on love and mac-n-cheese. You can't do that with a newborn. Sure that is a massive understatement for the issues, but that pretty much sums up the majority of issues.

Through these learning curves we have both learned that neither one of us is feeling appreciated by the other person. We have been both so caught up in our own "good deeds" that we have failed to see it from the other perspective. That makes me sad. I am so proud of him!!!! So proud it brings tears to my eyes even now as I type.

Despite the issues we have had, he is an amazing dad, he loves his son with a fierceness I have never witnessed. It turns my heart to mush when I watch them together. I have not had to work since November. Something that would have scared the bahjeebers out of me back in November. But it's all because of him. Because of him I have witnessed my son rolling over for the first time, been here for his first crawls, laughs, moments that I will forever cherish. I have not had to ship him off to a daycare (as was our original plan) but have been the one snuggling him to sleep. None of this would be possible if he didn't work so hard providing for us.

I love you babe... more then words.... and next time... when your feeling unappreciated.... you can come back here :o) and remind yourself.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Words of Wisdom on a Wednesday

An OUNCE of practice is worth more then TONS of preaching. 
One of my biggest pet peeves is hypocrisy. I absolutely can not stand those that say something and do another. Those that give advice to someone in need and don't follow that same advice that was given. I think along with that is a form on dishonesty. I just can't stand it. And once someone has proven to be dishonest, it's very hard for them to ever get back on my good side. But watch out there POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK. I got to thinking, in what ways do I not practice what I'm preaching. All too often actually. It's easy for me to brush it off, because they are little things. Making an excuse for why I didn't answer the phone call of a friend. Feeling that my life is lacking meaning, so I make it all much more serious then it really needs to be. It's so easy for me to call out people for being fake, and yet how many times to slap on a happy face and act like I care, when deep in my heart's thoughts I'm not giving a darn. 

So today, my challenge and quest. To be the most authentic person I can be. If I don't want to go, I'm not going to. If I don't like it, I'm not going to say I do. If I'm upset, ohh you'll know. 

But obviously all the while trying to not be a biaatch and piss off everyone I know :o)

Adios Mis Amigos,

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tackle It Tuesday. . . Oh, ya gotta have faith

I grew up in a Baptist family, a traditional, go to church every Wednesday and Sunday, three times on Sunday actually, kind of family.

My grandmother and grandfather were the driving force behind my church going ways. You see, my mom was a divorced, mother of three small girls, trying to work her way through the corporate world. This left my grandparents to raise us most of the time.

So we had Awana (kids bible study group) on Wednesdays, that soon grew into youth group (middle school and high school bible study) While we were busy learning bible verses my grandmother would be in the weekly prayer meeting. Then Sundays consisted of Sunday School @9:00am.... Church @ 10:30a.m. (don't really remember how the two were different actually) and then we would come back for night church @ 6:00ish. This basically just left enough time in my Sunday for lunch, homework, and then dinner.

As I grew older and eventually moved out to my own place I was on Church overload. I had gone to a private Christian school where I had bible class every day. I saw many people, good Christian people, living very hypocritical lives. I went on to pursue 3 semesters at very traditional Christian Universities. Where I again, saw two kinds of Christians. The rigid, I love Jesus, I want to be a missionary, pastors wife, and live the rest of my days "serving the Lord".... or the "I'm here because I have to be" ..... So once I was out on my own.... I vowed now that I was Ms. Independant that I would only go to church when I really wanted to go. Of course I didn't want to go. I wanted to go out late Saturday night with my friends and have fun, I wanted to sleep in late on Sunday mornings and then the day laying on the beach, curled up on the couch, or any other way I found to waste an entire day of my life.  The guilt that overwelmed my soul those first few Sundays was incredible. But eventually I didn't even notice. Instead of Sunday being church day, it became, stay up late, sleep in late and do whatever the heck I felt like doing.

It has continued to be that way for the better part of 6 years. Wow, 8 years actually. And once I got married I swore that the hubs and I would get it together. Be one of those cute church couples that ran a home bible study group and served with the youth.... but no, we have chosen the exact same ways as before.

Now that I have a son, I am starting to worry. The only thing that kept me "safe" through many of my rebellious years wast the fear of God. Literally, all those years spent at church, in Christian School, taught me right and wrong, it gave me a strong conscious and while most kids were out drinking, doing drugs, and getting busy with boys, I was too afraid. Sure I had a "moment" of about a year where I finally did live a little. But it was nothing looking back that about a thousand other kids weren't doing.

Last night I finally broke down. I suddenly felt this heavy burden beating down on my chest like an elephant. My first thought "great I'm having a heart attack" .... but as I quickly ran through my limited medical knowledge I realized it was a full blown panic attack.

I was the one who was solely responsible for my son. It was me that had to teach him every element of right and wrong, good and bad. It was me that had to help him learn what was in the black, gray, and white areas of life. What did I base all of my "big decisions" on.... well the bible of course. Where did I learn all of that .... ummm church ... hello.....

So...... yes, I'm heading to church this weekend. And no, it's not to start early on Little man... he is only 9 months old you know. But it is to restore the faith that I once held very dear. To get back in touch with a God that I have seemed to lost along the way. No I know that he didn't go anywhere, it was me, but now I see that maybe my grandmom was on to something after all.

Adios Mis Amigos,

Monday, November 1, 2010

Makes My Monday - Family Traditions

It's funny because growing up Halloween was a big deal. My whole family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins) would gather at my Grandparent's house. All of the kids and parents would go around the neighborhood while our Grandmom made the traditional Stew for dinner. I hate stew, but I loved the tradition.

Now that we are here in San Antonio, I'm sad that my husband's family doesn't celebrate. I get the whole "being Christian" thing and not wanting to celebrate something that has such a dark history. But I don't know .. for us... we knew about the other side of it, but we celebrated the day and season as a time to have fun, dress up as something funny, and most importantly get lots of candy.

So, since it was just me and little man,  I spent the day a bit sad. Okay not a bit, a lot!!! Another thing that is making me homesick and sad that this first year of his life is missing something.But, after he woke up from the nap, I realized that whether we were home or not, we were going to have a fun Halloween!!! We got dressed up as the cutest punkin' around and went to the few neighbors that we have gotten to know since moving. Sure it wasn't the big grand Halloween I'm used to, but at least it was something :o)

Adios Mis Amigos,