Okay, so its been exactly 10 days and I am finally feeling coherent and "together" or at least as together as one can be with scattered 2 hour naps. I had hoped to be able to document the journey throughout the labor process, I didn't want to forget a thing. I wanted to be present in each and every moment of it. But I quickly learned that the labor portion of this journey is no joke!!!! The last thing on my mind was sitting with my laptop typing away about the experience. Looking back now, 10 days removed, I would do it again in a heartbeat to be given the amazing gift of life that is my son. At the time... not so much.... and would have done anything to "get out of it".
It wasn't until about 8 am that we finally got around to IV's and the contractions of death that would come from Pitocin.We quickly jumped from 1.5 to 3 cm by 11am and that is when they thought it was a good idea to go ahead and strip the membranes and break the water. Next thing I knew, I was dying! Seriously, there was no way that I could survive this kind of pain. It wasn't a natural progression of contractions. We went from a piece of cake tightening of the tummy, to literally grabbing anything within reach to huff and puff my way through the contractions. We ended up going from 3 to 5cm. Every contraction was getting worse and worse. I was involuntarily crying from the sheer pain that was radiating through my body and that was only 5 centimeters. I've never boasted about being a super hero. In fact, I am quite aware of my intollerance to pain. I'm a big baby and this was no exception. According to my husband it was 2pm and I wanted out!
By this time I was delirious. I was telling everyone I needed to stop. I was begging the nurse to slow down the pitocin, at one time I told her to shut it off. I needed to take a break and we would try this again in a little while. I looked my husband dead in the eyes and told him that I was done. I told him to get everyone out and to just leave me alone. As if somehow I could be done. I honestly believed in my heart that I could stop, take a few hours, or honestly a day off and then come back in more prepared to handle the pain. HA!!! This is when the the angel of a nurse, Donna, knew it was time for anesthesia.
Now this brings me to the epidural.... HEAVEN.... after going through the 3 hours of toe curling, body crushing pain to feeling absolutely nothing but pressure was A-MAZE-ING!!! Sure the needle is scary, the original pokes hurt like heck but here is what I don't understand. Why would anyone NOT get an epidural??? If you have the option to sit and smile your way through these contractions... why wouldn't you? Obviously, its not for everyone, more power to you if you are the ones that managed to hypnotize yourself through the pain.... you are truly amazing!!! But I just don't see how it makes your birth expierence any better ? I'm not that girl and thanked the anesthesiologist every time I saw his lovely face pop into my room to check on things.
So we were 5 and a half cm by the time the epidural was placed @ 2pm and quickly went to 8cm honestly because I believe my body was able to relax through the contractions and let them do their job. This is when little man started to show some signs of trouble. . . we tried my left side and right side and with each contraction he started to have dips in his heart rate. We tried a bunch of different things and eventually was ready to start trying to get this little guy out. I've got to say that this was scary. Luckily the Dr was there and realized that it was time to get him out. . . we had to use the vacuum and later found out that the chord was wrapped around his neck and leg, so every contraction and push was causing the blood flow to stop.
My heart instantaneous exploded into a million pieces the second I saw his wrinkly little self. They put him up on my chest and my heart would never be the same. There in that moment I realized that this was truly the most amazing gift anyone can be given. Sure it wasn't my plan, yes I had been freaked out through the entire process, but this little person that was there in front of my eyes was absolutely 100% the love of my life. My heart had never expierenced a love like this. Everything and everyone faded into the background and it was just me and him. I would spend the rest of my life loving this amazing miracle and doing everything within my power to protect him from the rest of the world. I now know that nothing happens by accident. God sent us this amazing blessing and I could not be happier to have been given the opportunity to "make" this baby.
I know that every mom swears that their baby is the cutest in the universe... but seriously!!! I have never seen a more beautiful baby :o)