Okay seasoned baby makers. . . I have complete and utter respect for you. Seriously, I will never again view mom's in the same way. I am so thankful and blessed for this amazing wake up call in my life. Literally, every 4 hours hours, sometimes sooner I am stirred into consciousness that this world is so not about me :o)
I have been at this mommy thing for 18 days and I'm spent!!! Physically, emotionally, spiritually. My body is past the point of any exhaustion I have ever felt. The worst part is, everyone tells you, nap when baby naps. I believe that is a valuable tip and WOULD LOVE TO DO IT! I lay down and despite my sheer exhaustion I can never fall asleep. I toss and turn and finally give up. Knowing that there is laundry to do, bottles to wash, and life to get caught up on.
I am finding myself being "that girl" constantly. Things I used to think were ridiculous I am doing on a regular consistent basis. I am the germ freak, that sanitizes bottles after each use. I smother everyone that walks through our doors in antibacterial gel. Every little noise and breathe that doesn't sound quite right sends me flying to his side to make sure he is still alive. I used to think, "how hard can it be? it's just a baby." He is 7 pounds 7 ounces of pure exhaustion!!! And he's a good baby. He really only cries when he is hungry. He is sleeping 4 or even 5 hours at night and taking naps during the day. Even as I type the words I am thinking to my self. . . " Since he is such a great baby, why the heck I am so tired????"
Sleep deprivation can make a girl do crazy things.I truly admire the women that come home from the hospital and jump right back into their lives unscathed. I'm wondering how in the world they do it? Maybe if we ever get around to baby #2 I will have some new tricks up my sleeve to make the transition a bit easier? The craziest thing so far would have to be the bottle sanitizer situation. As I mentioned earlier I am a crazy person when it comes to germs and keeping little man healthy. Especially since we were not able to breastfeed. I find myself paranoid about keeping everything that goes near him as clean as possible. So I sanitize the bottles after each feeding. I know its unnecessary, but I can't help myself.
I have my routine. Come down in the morning and head straight to the coffee pot. As soon as I know that my sweet caffeine relief is brewing, I rinse, wash, and load up the bottles from the night. By the time the sanitizer is finished I've been able to guzzle down at least a cup of coffee and am beginning to get it together. I go to the microwave to get the freshly de-germed items and the microwave is empty. That's strange. I begin to peruse around the kitchen thinking maybe I already took it out and just forgot, but it's nowhere to be found. Now I'm starting to get irritated, I'm down to only 30 minutes before little man is awake and still needed to get the laundry sorted and started.
There are only so many options right??? or so I thought!!! I spent almost an entire hour tearing apart the kitchen . . . looking in every possible spot I could have put it... how can I seriously not remember something that happened mere minutes ago.... finally when I'm at my whits end... I open the cabinet to get a glass for some ice water and there it is... ARE YOU KIDDING ME.!!!
The biggest lesson from these 17 days of Mommyland. . . let go!!! Let go of everything I think I need to do. Let go of what I thought motherhood would be like. The laundry is not going to get any more dirty if it goes in a few hours later. The kitchen will get cleaned eventually, and the dirty plates sitting next to the sink are just fine. The dog hair on the floors will come back even if I spend the time sweeping so this morning or this afternoon really doesn't make one little bit of a difference, for that matter, tomorrow is even better. But this little guy is only going to be this small for so long. There will come a day when he won't fit in the palm of my hand. When I won't be able to sit for an hour and just snuggle. These are the moments I cherish. This is what I live for ! The rest will get done eventually !