I'm going through my pregnancy journal and came across this entry... written one year ago today, I was getting ready for his birth. If I had known then, what I know now. . . .who knows???
"""My precious little man,
Today is Monday. This is the week you will be born. I have to say that I'm nervous. I'm not going to lie. The idea of labor has always been something that has frightened me. I do not like being out of control. I do not like not knowing what is happening. This is the part of pregnancy that I have always dreaded.
I think that part of being your mommy is always being honest and telling you the truth.And I hope that when you are old enough to understand this that will know that your Mom was a real person. There are a lot of things in my life that I have messed up. I have not always made the right choice. But part of that is recognizing it and trying to do the right thing next time. I know that God sending you to me was His way of teaching me to let go. You can not always control things in your life. If I can tell you one thing that I have learned through this process it is to always trust God. When things are sad, scary, or upsetting. HE is the one that can and will carry you through. I pray that as you grow you will come to trust in Him. That you will know that He is the God of the universe and the Savior of your soul.
I pray that you will be a man of integrity, honesty, humility. I pray that you will have your Dad's heart of love, compassion, and always care for those you love. I pray that you will have my easy going personality, my love of family, and sense of calm. I pray that you will know your Aunt Katie's logical sense. That if you have a question of what you should do that you would seek her out and ask for her advice. If your heart is struggling I hope you will go to your Aunt Ashley. Her heart is beautiful and she will always be there for you. Your Aunt Chelsea is amazingly creative. She is funny and compassionate. I hope that you will gain her appreciate and respect for the arts. Lacey is great if you need someone to be honest and tell you how it is. She will always steer you in the right direction :o) Molly will be amazing to love you and support you in your life. She is historically funny and is amazing at lifting your spirits when you are down.
I love you with my whole heart, every time you move, kick, or wiggle my heart skips a beat and I fall more in love with you. Bigger then my fear of the unknown of labor and delivery is my love for you. I can not wait to see your precious face. To snuggle you for the rest of my life. I know that you are amazing and can not wait to be a part of your life.'
Love always, Your Mama