Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Thankful Thursdays- I'm a freak

I'm a freak. There I said it. 
I allow "what if" to consume me. Tonight I couldn't sleep. And like I always do I flip open my google reader in hopes that all of my friends words will lull me off to a sweet slumber. I read of one mama's struggle to teach her son look but don't touch. Another mama was recounting her son's birth as he was approaching his 21st birthday. (yikes I'm crying over the fact that my son is turning 1, can only imagine how I'll be come 21). And then I stumbled apon my recent favorite site. I'm not going to lie, I seek her out on an almost daily basis. She is a source of inspiration when I need some creative juice. She is a mama to two sweet baby girls and I just love reading and "catching up". Kelly over at enjoy the small things has a way of wrapping you up in the warm and fussy. She uses amazing pictures of her girls to go along with the stories and honestly, it's not unusal to find myself teary eyed after reading her blog. 

Tonight she talks of a friend who lost their 8 year old son in a sledding accident. Sledding of all things. Jump on over to her site to read the story. But it caught my heart in such a way that I found myself sobbing. 

I don't know how you make it through something like that. The void and emptiness that would fill my soul is something that I don't know I could survive. Maybe survive is the wrong word, I know I wouldn't physically end, but spiritually, emotionally. I don't have words. 

So I climbed out into the dark hallway, scooped my sleeping son up in my arms and sat and rocked. I stroked his hair, ran my fingers along his cheeks and prayed to God that he send angels to protect him. I don't know the mama there in Michigan, but she overtook my prayers. Praying for someone I don't know, haven't met, and only read about online. Praying that she is somehow able to find peace.

Adios Mis Amigos,


  1. Losing a child is every mom's biggest fear. I always think I could get through anything but that. I pray I never have to test that theory. I need to remember what a gift just having a night to scoop them up and cuddle them is!

  2. The what if's consume me, too. Seriously. I can't imagine the worst, yet my mind tries to go there a lot, too.

  3. I couldn't even imagine if something happened to Sheldon.


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