I have been crazy wrapped up in my own issues the last couple of days/weeks. It's just putting me in a general cranky pants mood. I'm not feeling creative or funny, and thus have nada to write . . . I am not myself, I have lost interest in the things that used to give me happiness and joy .. . and quite frankly I just wanna curl up in my bed and snuggle the day away with my little man.
I have been feeling withdrawn and honestly shutting down to the outside world. Focusing any ounce of energy I have on fundamentally essential relationships (hubs and little man since they are the co-habitating) and praying to God that everyone else will understand once I resurface. I have had zero patience for any thing or anyone that comes along. I am just not myself. . . .and I don't like this person.
I'm am ridiculously home sick. I miss my family more then I have words to explain. I am completely heartbroken that my entire family is missing out on the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. My grandparents have yet to kiss his amazing chubby cheeks. See his miraculous smile first hand. My younger sisters haven't gotten to hold him, squeeze his amazing chunky thighs or snuggle him while he is sleeping. It absolutely kills me. He is truly my miracle. My amazing gift from God and they are missing it. Every day he does something amazing and I look around at the empty house. It's just me and him. I am sad. Sad that these days will never be given back to us, and sad that the people that mean the most to me (besides my husband of course) are never going to know him like this.
I know, I know, go hop on a plane and quit your whining Baby Maker. But I H.A.T.E. HATE flying .... I normally have to dose up on anti motion sickness pills and anti anxiety pills (because of course every plane I fly on will be the one that crashes and burns in a fiery death trap) these knock me out on my booty for a good 4 hour flight. . . how I am supposed to be knocked out and take care of a 4 month old who will, with my luck, scream bloody murder the entire flight. . . .thus. . . my crappy pants mood...which is worse... braving the flight, not taking my happy pills, barfing while trying to handle a baby who is screaming bloody murder and getting to see my family, or sitting here, witching and moaning about how much I miss them.... mmmhmm I know.
It's just one of those days I suppose . . . .
Adios Mis Amigos,