I sat in our bedroom rocking this little guy and I am brought to tears with the amazing blessing that this child has been. And to think I almost missed out on the greatest joy my life has ever known, because I didn't want to have a child. I know that God brought him into my life for moments like these. Moments that teach me to be still and Know that He is God. This little amazing miracle makes me want to be the best mommy possible.
And it got me thinking, how many times do I let other people's opinions into my head. How often does it create self doubt and insecurities. Here's the thing . . . I love my son more then words, I am doing everything within my power to make his life the best it can possibly be.
Sure I'm "that mom" that still has him sleeping next to me (in a co-sleeper not in my bed, I do have some willpower) despite the fact that he has been sleeping 12+ hours a night for months. Sure there are some that say he needs to be in his own room, in his crib, mainly just out of our room. But I just sleep better (when I'm able to sleep at all) knowing that he is there next to me. I am the one that freaks about leaving him for more then a few hours despite the fact that I know in my head he'll be completely fine. Yes, I need "me time" and I do get it, but I'm really just happiest when he is with me. I don't enjoy being away from him. If it were up to me I would take him everywhere. And I'm also 100% okay skipping out on things that he can't do yet. I have spent the past 26 years doing what I wanted to do. . . I'm okay with taking a year or two off from things. Yes I'm "that mom" that would rather wear him in a baby sling to a crowded busy farmer's market then leave him at home. If I have a choice between going to the movies with friends, and leaving him at home or staying at home with him.... I would just rather stay home with him. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
Here's my thoughts, he is only going to be in this phase of life for such a short amount of time, why rush it. There is going to come a time when he doesn't want to be held. When he no longer wants to be rocked to sleep. When he thinks I'm retarded and wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with me. Why rush it. I'm not worried about him learning to hold his own bottle, he'll get around to it. I'm not rushing to start feeding him fruits and veggies, he'll get there. I'm cherishing the moments of stillness and am not really pushing him to be crawling or rolling over. Sure I want him to be healthy, I know how important landmarks are. He has tummy time, and we do our little exercises, I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm just not forcing it. So what if every other 5 month old is rolling over ... sitting on their own... eating fruits and veggies.... our little man just isn't ready and that is okay :o) I have just seen so many people rushing these moments and I don't want to be one. I want to cherish every second.
That is my rainy day rant for today . . . thanks for humoring me :o)
Adios Mis Amigos,