Sunday, July 18, 2010

i would IF i could but i can't

Can I just say how completely ecstatic I am right now. This moment right now is a rariety. It's a gorgeous Sunday afternoon and the house is silent. I have a soft Michael Buble music playing in the background. . . a yummy delicious candle burning on the mantle... sipping on a scrumptious cup of iced coffeee.. not sure if life gets any better then this moment.

Little man is crashed out. My poor little snot faced baby is exhausted from wheezing and huffing and puffing his little booogie face all morning. He's rolling now and that is all consuming. It's as if he has finished a marathon when he finally flops from back to tummy. I guess it's hard work flipping a whopping 14lbs :o) We are taking it easy today, hoping that a day at home, full of Vicks Vappo rub and saline nose spray will help him get over the hump of this nasty cold.

Hubs is crashed out next to him, after a rip roaring late night of playing his favorite PS2 game he needs to catch up on his sleep. Sometimes I do have two children. I kept telling him all night, "honey, you should get some sleep so your not too tired tomorrow" "five more minutes babe" . . . mmhmmm I fell asleep while he was playing in the other room, so Lord only knows what time he went to bed. Hence a nap was mandatory for him also.

So here I am . . . curled up on our couch, soft music playing in the background, a deliciously yummy candle burning and sipping on some iced coffee... haven't had a moment like this in who knows how long.. can we all just take a moment to enjoy it with me. . . . . .. . . . . ..  thanks that was wonderful :o)

Recently read a fellow mommy's blog and I've realized that my life is full of "if"....

I would be happy IF I was back in NJ. It's obviously impossible to be happy where God has put you?!?!? I would feel better IF I lost weight. But choose to sit on the couch and eat cheetos! I wouldn't be so depressed IF I had my family near by.... I have done nothing to attempt to build a community of friends here. I would loose weight IF I had an eliptical. (obviously you can't loose weight without one :o) I would join a gym IF we could afford it (again, it's impossible to just eat right and be active) I would be a better cook IF I took a cooking class ( I put no effort forth in the kitchen) it goes on and on and on. . . . .its a bunch of bull.

I don't want to be this kind of example to little man and am determined to be real, truthful, and honest with him, but more importantly honest with myself. No more excuses. And that my friends is a toughie.

I'm done beating around the bush with things. I am not going to say one thing when my heart is screaming something else. I am done trying to be whatever it is that I think people expect me to be.... it is what it is and we'll just have to deal with it ! 

It's time to loose weight and get healthy because I want to be around with him as long as possible. I want to see him graduate kindergarten, middle school, high school and college. I want to watch him learn how to crawl, walk, run, and ride a bike. That is my motivation . . . that is what I will remind myself of every day!

I will take responsibility for my happiness. I will do everything within my power to surround myself with things and people that encourage me, uplift me, and make my life better. More importantly people that don't drive me crazy :o) I will not get caught up in the drama, petty issues, or negativity that can so often enrapture me.

I will make a genuine effort in the kitchen.... seriously.... I'll try... that's the best I can shoot for.

I know that my heart, especially since having little man, longs to be close to my family. I am desperate for him to know my grandparents. To build amazing memories with them like I have. Their advancing age is a scary thing for me. They are the people that I just always believed would be there for me . . . forever. As time goes on, and they are beginning to slip into the "advancing senior citizen" age group, I don't want to waste another minute not being with them. I want my sisters to be his 2nd set of mom's. I want him to have amazing relationships with each and every one of them. I want my mom to enjoy raising a boy. Being a mom to 6 girls she has never gotten the satisfaction of "the boy" expierence. Something that I know will be nothing but good for her. I want my aunts, uncles, and cousins to surround him with the love that I have been surrounded with my entire life. It's very easy for me to sit and mope about them missing out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. What is harder is putting a plan in action. Doing everything within my power to get us back to NJ. And so it has begun, we have a count down timeline. We still have a few things that need to be completed here in San Antonio. .  but the hubs is on board and we are hoping and praying for doors to open up that will enable us to be home ! 

So it's not IF anymore!!!it's time for some serious NOW!

I will be happy NOW!
I will choose to feel better NOW!
I will start choosing the healthy choices NOW!
I will eat right, get active, and not waste another moment NOW!
I will kiss his chubby cheeks, blow raspberries on his naked tummy, snuggle him every chance I get NOW!
I will put a plan in action that will enable us to get back to NJ NOW
But I will make the most of the time we have left here in San Antonio and quit being so mopey NOW!

what are your if's ???? just curious if I'm the only one :o)

Adios Mis Amigos,


  1. I think you may have taken this blog post right out of my head because I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do. I tend to be unhappy and place blame on everything but myself. It is my choice what I do with my life right? I am working on all these exact same things as you. I complain about situations yet do nothing to fix them. The time IS now. You are completely right. So, I need to write down what I don't like and then make a plan that will turn it around. Glad I'm not the only one :)

  2. Thanks girl, it's rough and honestly I feel horribly guilty because aside from my amazing beautiful son that I cherish every single day, I am missing out on a lot of joy that God has sent me. Time to make a change and be the change I want to see :o) YOU CAN DO IT


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