how not to screw up your kids ?

Here is the thing about baby makin' - it's no joke! But honestly other then eating right, getting rest, and not doing anything crazy, your body really takes care of the rest. That is what freaked me out about makin' a baybeh (baby)- it was completely out of my control. And the more I learn about myself, the more I learn I really am a control freak. I like to know what is happening, when it's happening, how it's happening. And once something is planned I HATE CHANGE!!! Nothing about my pregnancy was planned, but I read as much and as often as I could about ever single element of pregnancy. I felt as prepared as I could possibly be and really just took my prenatal vitamins and prayed like nobodies business. I knew that God sent this amazing little kidney bean into my uterus and that HE was the one that was going to help him grow into a healthy, amazing, chubby whubby little man.

Now motherhood on the other hand, is entirely 100% in my hands. Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking anything away from the big guy upstairs, I'm simply saying HE has entrusted me with this little man and I'm doing my best not to screw him up. It's up to me now, to protect him, keep him healthy, feed him, teach him, and all the rest that goes into being a mother. And that freaks me out too. I mean how many counseling sessions have I had that have involved my childhood. How many ways have all of us been forever impacted by things are parents have done or said.

I'm finding this an extremely heavy burden to bare. To breastfeed or formula feed. Feeling guilt and failure when breastfeeding didn't work out.  To vaccinate or not vaccinate. What if my little man is that one in a million that has some sort of awful reaction. To co-sleep or make my little guy cry it out. Will he become too dependent on us, is that even a bad thing. What I do now, according to all of the books and google Gods could very well make my precious amazing little man a very well adjusted, self confident, and amazing adult. Or it could very well turn him into the next creeper, loser of a man still living at home at the age of 42, or at the very least cost him an arm and a leg of therapy.

So here I sit, researching the heck out of the world wide web with things to do, not do, must do, shouldn't do and I finally came to the conclusion . . . there is no conclusion. So now we have started a therapy fund, right along side of his college fund. This way, if when we screw up, at least he won't have to go into debt to fix our mistakes :o)

Adios Mis Amigos,